


Watching The World Fall

by whoknows



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Explicit Sexual Content, Late Late Live Tinder, M/M, Post Break-up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:00:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22292968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoknows/pseuds/whoknows
Summary: This segment has been going on long enough that Louis knows what’s coming before James starts in on it, trying to sell him on something he knows that Louis wouldn’t normally be buying. But there’s four cameras surrounding him, and an audience watching him expectantly, so if Louis wants to continue convincing people that he’s doing just fine, he’s going to have to go along with it.“We have a whole host of single men backstage waiting to meet you, Louis,” James tells him. “We want to help you find love tonight, on Late Late Live Tinder. Is this okay? Do you want to play?”It actually kind of makes sense that his first date after the break-up is going to be just as public as said break-up. Something like coming full circle.“Alright, James,” Louis agrees, hopping down off his stool.“Okay, come down to the stage,” James says. Louis can’t even tell whether the excitement in his voice is genuine or not. “Right now, come on down!”
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 45
Kudos: 1258





	Watching The World Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! I'm actually pleasantly surprised by how much I've been managing to write lately, so this fic ended up getting finished way faster than I thought it would. It's also about 5k longer than I thought it was going to end up being, but no one's going to complain about that, right? Anyway, this fic deals with a break-up, but **(spoiler)** there's no need to worry about the ending being unhappy. 
> 
> As always, thank you to Amanda for your amazing cheerleading ability and just being a great person in general.

It isn’t exactly inconspicuous, all the cameras and the crew coming towards him. Even if not for that, it isn’t like Louis has had his head buried in the sand lately. He’s well aware that James has been seeking victims for this particular segment, putting feelers out for which of his staff wouldn’t be opposed to taking part in it. So when Louis sees the chaos of the crew coming towards him, he pastes a camera-ready expression onto his face and tips the rest of his drink back before anyone can tell him not to.

“Louis!” James crows, his voice coming from a different camera than the one that’s currently aimed directly at Louis’ face. “Louis, darling, how are you today?”

“I’m well, James, thank you,” Louis answers. Politely enough, he thinks, despite the fact that he saw James two hours ago when they were going over the final script for his monologue and that polite isn’t really his default setting.

It must be the two beers sitting in his stomach. Alcohol has always made him more agreeable, and while two beers isn’t enough to get him tipsy, he hasn’t eaten anything in the past few hours, so he does feel the slightest edge of it.

This segment has been going on long enough that Louis knows what’s coming before James starts in on it, trying to sell him on something he knows that Louis wouldn’t normally be buying. But there’s four cameras surrounding him, and an audience watching him expectantly, so if Louis wants to continue convincing people that he’s doing just fine, he’s going to have to go along with it.

“We have a whole host of single men backstage waiting to meet you, Louis,” James tells him. “We want to help you find love tonight, on Late Late Live Tinder. Is this okay? Do you want to play?”

It actually kind of makes sense that his first date after the break-up is going to be just as public as said break-up. Something like coming full circle.

“Alright, James,” Louis agrees, hopping down off his stool. 

“Okay, come down to the stage,” James says. Louis can’t even tell whether the excitement in his voice is genuine or not. “Right now, come on down!”

_You’re the next contestant on the Price Is Right!_ a voice inside Louis’ head finishes. He sets off towards the stage at a light jog, thinking that maybe James is right and he really _does_ need a vacation. Thinking in voiceover is never a good sign for his mental health.

It’s something to wonder about later, though, after he’s no longer on camera. Or, he realizes as he bursts onto the set a little too fast, standing in front of an audience of a hundred people. The crowd has always been something he’d taken for granted in the writer’s room, and it turns out that being faced with it is very different than knowing about it in the abstract.

At least he’s not dressed in ragged joggers today. He should have known this was coming when Nancy badgered him into dressing nicely with the rather flimsy excuse of going out for a drink after work. If he can’t trust his own team, who can he trust?

“Are you alright?” James checks after Louis’ made his way over to him, hands on Louis’ shoulders. That, at least, Louis can tell is genuine, because he’s been working on the show for a few years now but he’s known James for a lot longer than that. James wouldn’t be doing this if he thought Louis was completely opposed to the idea.

“’m good,” Louis assures him. “Let’s do this thing.”

There’s a bit more in the way of introductions and set-up. Louis doesn’t really pay that much attention to it, wiping his palms against his thighs absently, and then the lights come back on in full force, cameras already rolling. James does a proper introduction, and then they’re looking at the prop set-up in front of them. Louis has to laugh, stifling it behind his palm. It all feels kind of unreal. 

“So let’s get to know Louis, then, shall we?” James says, pinching Louis’ back to get him to stop laughing. “You’re the head writer here at the Late Late Show, been working here for how long? Four, five years?”

Louis nods agreeably, getting his laughter under control. “Almost five, yeah.”

“And you’re British too, in case anyone could miss the accent,” James continues. “Pretty sure that’s the only reason we hired you, so I wouldn’t feel too out of place in the middle of all this Americana.”

“You know, James, I’ll take a bit of national loyalty if it gets me a job,” Louis says, rubbing his hands together. He still feels a little ridiculous, but there’s a reason that James landed a gig hosting a talk show in the States in the first place. He’s pretty good at what he does, and that goes a long way towards putting Louis at ease.

“Right,” James says, nodding along. “Well, considering how public your love life has been over the last couple of years, I think we need to skip all the usual questions and ask you the most important thing instead.”

He takes a slight pause, clearly for dramatic effect. Louis braces himself. If Nancy wrote something inappropriate that after work drink is _definitely_ off.

“ _Where_ did you get that jacket?” James asks. “If I wasn’t married, the sight of you in that jacket would have me down on my knees in every possible way, if you know what I’m saying.”

It’s enough to startle a laugh out of Louis. He spreads his hands out, shrugging.

“Alright, Louis, let’s do this!”

Together, he and James look towards the stage. The first guy jogs up to the podium, appearing from behind a curtain, and Louis knows that the face he makes is going to end up circulating certain pages on the Internet for the next few weeks.

“Really?” Louis asks, looking between the guy and James, only half playing up his incredulity. “If every guy you bring out here is going to be a Harry Styles look-alike I’m going to walk away right now.”

If he doesn’t address it, it’s just going to haunt him. It’s all a bit of good-natured fun, he knows, and it’s the obvious joke, but that doesn’t mean he has to let James off the hook for it.

“They’re not, they’re not!” James insists, laughing. “Your friends clearly thought that you might have a bit of a type, apparently. We can’t blame poor Rick for that though, can we?”

Louis turns back to face the guy. Rick. “Sorry, love,” he says, waving his big foam finger to the left. “It’s not you, I promise. You just remind me of someone s’all, had a bad experience that I’m trying to get over.”

Rick’s fall into the ball pit is nothing short of melodramatic. Louis kind of regrets sending him away after seeing that fall. He’s loathe to admit it out loud, but he’s partial to a bit of dramatics in a boyfriend. It’s what got him into trouble the last time around, though, so maybe getting rid of Rick isn’t such a bad thing. What Louis needs is someone completely different from his last boyfriend. Someone reliable, someone who’s actually around for more than four months out of the year. 

Someone who _isn’t_ overly dramatic. Louis has that covered enough for two people anyway – he could use some calm, rational people in his life. Maybe playing a heavily televised version of Grindr isn’t the best way to go about doing that, but it’s a start.

“Alright, let’s bring out our next man!” James says, thankfully not lingering on Louis’ decision. The next guy bounds up to the platform, dark hair and eyes, very attractive.

“I like your glasses,” Louis tells him, and waves him to the right. The next couple of guys are easy enough to decide between, and he’s actually kind of getting into it, letting loose a little. This is actually turning out to be a lot more fun than he thought it was going to be. Determining whether he’s attracted to someone based on their looks alone is the kind of mind-numbing fun Louis could really go for right now.

All of that comes to a sudden, crashing end with the next guy that walks up to the platform. Louis’ smile freezes on his face. He almost loses his grip on the foam finger, hands suddenly gone a bit numb with shock. Behind him, the crowd goes wild, screaming and cheering, and Louis doesn’t even realize he’s opened his mouth until he hears his own voice say, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

Standing up there on that little platform isn’t a Harry Styles lookalike or even a Harry Styles impersonator. No, standing up there is the actual Harry goddamn Styles in the flesh.

Louis’ feet feel like they’re glued to the floor. Harry gives him a small, uncertain wave with one hand, the other gripping at the edge of the podium. He’s not smiling, exactly, but he also doesn’t look like someone who’s confronting his ex on national television. He _especially_ doesn’t look like someone who did the breaking up in that situation.

Harry opens his mouth to say something. “No no no,” Louis cuts him off, bringing his microphone up to his mouth. Sharply, he waves his foam finger to the left. “Absolutely fucking not.”

The crowd is still making a ton of noise. Louis can barely hear it over the rush of his own blood in his ears as Harry continues not to move.

“Louis,” Harry says. James didn’t give him a mic, at least, so the sound of his voice is mostly drowned out by the audience, but Louis is too familiar with the shape of Harry’s mouth when he says Louis’ name not to recognize it.

“Pass,” Louis says firmly, waving the foam finger again. “Get in the ball pit.”

Behind him, the crowd goes from excited yelling to booing. Louis half turns, incredulous, and says, “What? Don’t boo me, he’s the one who broke up with _me_!”

“Lou,” Harry says. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“What the _fuck _,” Louis says, whirling back around. “Get in the goddamn ball pit, Harry.”__

__For good measure, he points again. His heart is pounding in his chest, body filled with useless adrenaline he doesn’t have any way of letting out. _Baby_ , though. Harry can’t be fucking serious, calling him that on national telly when they’re not even together anymore._ _

__“Let me explain,” Harry tries._ _

__“Get in the balls, Styles,” Louis enunciates, pointing the finger at the pit and holding it there, glaring, until Harry sighs loudly. He turns so his back is facing the pit, crosses his arms over his chest and falls backwards into the balls._ _

__Louis is so angry that he doesn’t even find it amusing. The audience does, tittering behind him, while the next guy walks up to the podium. Louis barely even looks at him, immediately waving him into a seat, all too conscious of Harry sulking as he clambers out of the pit, making a lot more noise than necessary. There’s only one chair left to fill, and then this will be half over._ _

__The easy thing to do would be to walk out right now. Even if people did blame him, Louis would be hard pressed to care. Harry’s the one who broke up with him. He doesn’t get to show up out of nowhere and invade Louis’ life again like he’s some kind of knight in shining armor. No matter what the audience behind him seems to think._ _

__Walking away would mean showing weakness, though, and the absolute last thing Louis is going to do is show Harry Styles anymore weakness than he already has._ _

__He’s distracted, even as he goes back to bantering with James. It’s not as easy as it was before, but he’s getting through it. Right up until there’s a terrible screeching noise. Louis pauses mid-sentence, all heads turning to watch as Harry drags a metal chair across the floor, throwing himself down onto it, all splayed limbs and petulance._ _

__“Are you done?” Louis demands. He can hear the way his voice has gone crisp like it does when he’s on the phone with Jack from the IT department, who happens to be so incompetent that Louis’ surprised he hasn’t managed to light himself on fire yet. Fuck if this isn’t one of the most irritating experiences he’s had in a long time. “I don’t suppose there’s any way we can get security to throw him out, is there?” he asks James._ _

__“I’m afraid not, Tommo,” James tells him. “I love you like you’re part of my family, but Harry is a regular guest on the show and CBS will fire me if he won’t come on anymore.”_ _

__For a second, Louis considers making it easier on everyone and just straight-up murdering Harry. As well as he thinks he’d do in prison, though, he doesn’t want to put his family through that. Especially not since, given the crowd’s reaction to Harry’s appearance, the general public would probably be on Harry’s side._ _

__“Okay,” Louis says, forcing himself to turn away from Harry and back to the contestants. He’d like to walk out of here right now, but doing that would mean giving Harry the win. And Louis has never, _ever_ given Harry the win. “Let’s do this, then.”_ _

__“Alright,” James says. They’ll probably have to edit out this part due to the uncertainty in his voice. Like there’s part of him that still thinks Louis is going to snap and assault Harry anyway. “We have our three finalists, then. Guys, we haven’t heard what you sound like. Tell us your name, where you’re from, and what you do for a living.”_ _

__The guy on the left starts first, raising the microphone to his lips. “Scott. I’m from San Jose, California, and I’m an aspiring screenwriter.”_ _

__“Ah,” James says, nudging Louis in the ribs with his elbow. “You like the creative type, don’t you, Tommo?”_ _

__“I mean, I’m not picky about what someone does for a living, as long as they enjoy doing it,” Louis answers, figuring that’s the most diplomatic way of saying _not anymore – the last creative type I dated screwed me over_._ _

__Behind him, Harry coughs, mumbling something. Louis’ back stiffens, and it takes every last ounce of his self-control not to turn around and start screaming. Not even necessarily forming words – just a full-on toddler-type temper tantrum at Harry’s audacity._ _

__It wouldn’t be the end of the world if he did. It’s not like this is live, so if things really start devolving at least the entire world won’t be privy to it. That might actually be a nice change from the rest of his relationship with Harry._ _

__“Okay, Peter, tell us about yourself,” James instructs the next guy._ _

__“Well, as my nametag says, I’m Peter,” the guy starts, tapping at his nametag for emphasis. Internally, Louis rolls his eyes, struggling not to let it show on his face._ _

__“Wow, no kidding,” Harry drawls, his voice that same slow molasses drip it’s always been, loud and clear._ _

__“Okay, who gave him a mic?” Louis shouts, exasperated. “I don’t even want him in the same room as me, much less for him to actually be talking!”_ _

__Again, the crowd boos. Louis has a very hard time not flipping them off. The only reason he doesn’t give into the urge is because he doesn’t want to get fired._ _

__“Well, I’m going to be here until you decide to talk to me face to face,” Harry says. “Sorry, Peter, Louis always forgets his manners when he gets upset about something. Please continue.”_ _

__If he tried hard enough, Louis could probably murder him with his microphone. Just bash him over the head with it a few times. He’s pretty sure a good lawyer could make it count as a justifiable homicide._ _

__“Right,” Peter says uncertainly. “Um, so I’m from Lexington, Kentucky, and I’m a surgical resident.”_ _

__“Long hours,” Harry comments. “Between his hours and yours, you’d probably never find time to see him, Lou.”_ _

__“Hey, how about you stop?” Louis suggests. The audience titters at that, finally edging towards being on Louis’ side. He’s doubtful that he can win them over entirely, but it’s nice to finally have some support from them. Eases the tension in his spine a bit._ _

__“How ‘bout you talk to me?” Harry counters. “I wouldn’t have resorted to this if you had have answered any of my calls for the last three months.”_ _

__For the last three months, Harry had been on tour. It was easy to ignore his calls when there was no chance of him pulling something entirely expected and showing up on Louis’ doorstep. Louis had deleted all his voicemails the second he heard the first slow syllable coming out of Harry’s mouth. The only reason he hadn’t changed his number entirely is because it’d be such a hassle letting all of his contacts know. He’d figured that Harry would give up eventually._ _

__He hadn’t planned on Harry doing _this_. Harry must have flown directly from Singapore without even stopping at home first to be here. Under any other circumstances, it might be kind of romantic._ _

__And he still knows way too much about Harry’s tour schedule. Trying to make himself stop checking it almost obsessively hasn’t worked for him so far._ _

__“Let’s just continue, please,” Louis says, ignoring Harry altogether. It’s not a good option – _clearly _it’s not a good option – but it’s the best one he’s got right now.___ _

____“Alright,” James says, looking between Louis and Harry briefly, “Our last choice is Robert. Robert, tell us where you’re from and what you do.”_ _ _ _

____Louis would be lying if he says he listens to Robert talk. He can feel Harry staring at him, can even see the way he’s chewing at the side of his thumb out of the corner of his eye, a nervous tic that he rarely gives into in public anymore. He’s wearing a dark shirt and jeans, probably because he knew Louis might actually try to murder him if he showed up in something flashy. Louis hasn’t let himself look for more than a few seconds at a time, but he can still tell Harry looks good._ _ _ _

____And that’s a big fucking problem, because Harry looking like he does has nearly gotten them into trouble so many times before. He has a face he uses when he wants Louis to have sex with him, and no matter how much he claims it’s unintentional Louis knows better._ _ _ _

____“Now that all of our handsome options have introduced themselves, you get to ask one question, Louis,” James says, putting a hand back on Louis’ shoulder. “But only one question, yeah? Better make it a good one.”_ _ _ _

_____How are you going to keep Harry Styles from murdering you_ , Louis thinks immediately. Try as he might, he can’t quite shake it. If he knew that they’d be springing this on him he would have called in sick today. It would have been only about half out of pettiness, too. Fuck Harry for pulling this on him. As a matter of fact, fuck James too because he had to have been in on it the whole time. _ _ _ _

____God only knows what Harry said to convince him to go along with this. He’s heard Louis’ side of the story way too many times to have thought this would be a good idea without some serious convincing._ _ _ _

____“Putting me on the spot here, eh, James,” Louis jokes. “Only one question, so it’s gotta be an important one. Let’s see.”_ _ _ _

____Before Harry had shown up, Louis already had a couple of questions in mind. Something important, but still first date material. Things about favourite footie teams or favourite musicians. Simple questions. Those all seem to have flown out the window now, though. What Louis wants is a way to get under Harry’s skin the same way he’s dug himself back under Louis’._ _ _ _

____“Alright,” Louis says, turning to put his back a little bit more towards Harry. “From worst to best, rank the members of One Direction. Keep in mind that there is a correct answer here, lads.”_ _ _ _

____If Harry wants to expose their relationship for a television bit, Louis will make sure that it’s a complete fucking explosion. He spares a second to feel bad for the guys he’s got lined up in front of him, guys who have nothing to do with this at all, but honestly even if he did go on a date with any of them at this point they’d all be thinking about Harry fucking Styles. So. Louis will work with what he’s got._ _ _ _

____“Wow,” Harry says, less for the audience than it is a genuine statement of surprise._ _ _ _

____Louis ignores him. “Scott, I think you’re up first,” he says. It seems like James might be at a loss for words, staring at him with wide, slightly worried eyes. He should have realized exactly what this segment would devolve into by bringing Harry here, though. Louis refuses to feel anything but grim satisfaction at the knowledge he’s getting under Harry’s skin._ _ _ _

____“I – ” Scott says, gaze darting nervously between Harry and Louis. “I’m not really a One Direction fan? I don’t know all of their names?”_ _ _ _

____“Okay, I suppose there’s two acceptable answers,” Louis decides. “Thank you for your honesty, Scott. Peter?”_ _ _ _

____“What’s the point of this?” Harry interrupts loudly. Louis can’t stop himself from casting a glance over his shoulder at the sound of his voice. Harry’s sitting on the edge of his chair now, as if he’s forcing himself to stay there and not get up. “I get that you’re trying to punish me, baby, but this just seems a little childish, don’t you think?”_ _ _ _

____Childish. _This_ is what he thinks is childish? Not barging into someone’s place of work to interrupt their day because they won’t pay attention to you? _This_?_ _ _ _

____“I’ll give you a hint, Pete,” Louis says, back tense, grip on the microphone so tight it’s going to leave indents in his skin, “Harry Styles is the worst, and after that it doesn’t really matter what order you put them in.”_ _ _ _

____If this ever goes to air, he’ll have to apologize to Niall for not putting him at the top. Right now, he’s seriously doubting that will ever happen._ _ _ _

____“Okay,” Harry mutters. The chair clatters as he stands up. Louis whirls around, already putting his hands up, unsure whether they’re going to have a brawl right here in the CBS studio or if he’s just going to shove Harry away the second he gets close enough. Harry stops a few feet away from Louis, though, mic left on his chair, acting like it’s just the two of them instead of this entire room full of people, and Louis –_ _ _ _

____Louis can’t get his heart beat under control._ _ _ _

____“You’re not going to pick any of these guys,” Harry says, gesturing loosely to the row of men staring at them. His rings glint in the light, and Louis has the absurd impulse to smack at his hands mid-air._ _ _ _

____Before Louis can muster up any righteous indignation, Harry continues, “You don’t want to be the shitty person who goes on a date while they’re thinking about their ex the entire time, Louis, I _know_ you. Can we just talk? Please?”_ _ _ _

____He’s not wrong. Louis doubts that any of these guys still have any interest in him anyway, after seeing this spectacle Harry has made, but just in case he looks back over at them._ _ _ _

____“Sorry, guys,” he tells them. “I didn’t intend to waste your time, but clearly this isn’t something I can commit to right now.”_ _ _ _

____He turns back to face Harry before he can get any bright ideas. “I’m also still not interested in hearing what you have to say. You broke up with me, and I have absolutely no obligation to hear you out.”_ _ _ _

____The crowd boos him again. Louis doesn’t care. He turns to leave, fully intent on finding Nancy and seeing how much she had to do with all of this._ _ _ _

____“I was wrong,” Harry says abruptly. For some reason, Louis’ feet refuse to move. “You already know I was wrong, but I’ll admit it to the entire world if that’s what it takes to get you to hear me out.”_ _ _ _

____“I don’t need you to admit it to the entire world,” Louis says evenly, his back still to Harry. He doesn’t want to know what kind of expression Harry’s face is making. “I need you to leave me alone.”_ _ _ _

____“Because you don’t love me anymore?” Harry presses. “Or because you do?”_ _ _ _

____This is surreal. Their relationship was, admittedly, more public than any other relationship Louis has ever been in. Harry Styles, international pop sensation, dating Louis Tomlinson, head writer for the Late Late Show? Turns out that combination was very interesting to the general public. Louis had thought that it was all in good fun – he’d written great bits for Harry when he’d been on the show, bits Harry probably wouldn’t have done otherwise, and the support they got from most people had been incredible. There had been parts of it that they’d kept to themselves, though, huge chunks that were just for the two of them, and it all felt well balanced._ _ _ _

____For Harry to be here right now, with a room full of strangers avidly watching him bare parts of himself, unscripted and totally honest, it must be costing him something Louis doesn’t want to think about._ _ _ _

____“Okay, fine,” Louis snaps, turning back around. If Harry wants to do this – if Harry _really_ wants to do this, Louis will play ball. “Why don’t you tell everyone all about how you broke up with me, then?”_ _ _ _

____Harry doesn’t even have the decency to flinch. They lived their relationship through the eyes of the public, on television, in interviews, in bits and pieces scattered across social media, and maybe Louis had been wrong about it being well balanced. Maybe it only makes sense that this last bit be public, too._ _ _ _

____“I broke up with you because I was scared and stupid,” Harry says. “Practically our entire relationship was long-distance, and that was so fucking hard. It – missing you every day was literally the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through.”_ _ _ _

____There’s sympathetic murmuring in the crowd now. It might have tugged at Louis’ cold, dead heartstrings if Harry hadn’t given him this same speech six months ago when he was breaking up with him._ _ _ _

____“Well, I’ll definitely agree that you’re stupid,” Louis says. “Nothing has changed, though, so I don’t know why we’re even having this conversation.”_ _ _ _

____Nothing’s ever going to change. Louis lives here, in L.A., doing what he loves, and Harry’s always going to be a mega-famous celebrity. Unless his fame crashes and burns, and Louis doesn’t see that happening anytime soon. Neither of them are going to give up their dreams for the other, and honestly Louis has long since made his peace with that. It’s actually the way it should be, he thinks, because no matter how hard that break-up was, at least he didn’t sell his soul along the way._ _ _ _

____Frustration clouds Harry’s face for a second before he smooths it out. He’s still putting on an act for the crowd, but Louis can revel in that split second of loss of control._ _ _ _

____“We’re having this conversation because I thought it couldn’t get any harder than that,” Harry tells him. “And I was wrong about that because I’m a fucking dumbarse, alright, is that what you want to hear? I miss you now more than I ever did then, and I don’t want to feel like that anymore.”_ _ _ _

____Too bad. _Too fucking bad_._ _ _ _

____“You made my entire life into a media spectacle,” Louis says. It’s been a long time since he’s felt this angry. “I was okay with that when we were dating, but once we were finished, after _you_ dumped _me_ , you stopped getting that privilege.” _ _ _ _

____Walking out would be the perfect follow-up to that statement, but instead of doing that Louis just stands there, folding his arms across his chest. Despite his better judgment, he wants to hear what Harry has to say. Despite everything, he wants to let Harry hold him, at least for a little while._ _ _ _

____He’s still angry, don’t get him wrong. He’s just also starting to realize exactly how sad he is, too._ _ _ _

____It’d be easier if he didn’t have feelings for Harry anymore. No matter how far down he tries to push them, he hasn’t been able to shake them off._ _ _ _

____“I know,” Harry says quietly, sliding forwards a couple of inches, testing. Louis doesn’t step back, but he keeps his arms folded across his chest. Protective. “I know.”_ _ _ _

____He doesn’t say anything else, looking a little sad, a little lost. Louis’ feelings bubble up in his chest, anger and resentment and love in equal parts, and no matter how stupid Harry is Louis thinks he’ll probably always love him._ _ _ _

____“You don’t get to _I know_ me,” Louis says, aware that his voice has gotten a little higher in pitch. “You took your hoodie with you when you left.”_ _ _ _

____It’s stupidest fucking thing he could have said. His nose hits Harry’s shoulder a split second before he’s being enveloped in a hug, and he knows that he must have been the one to start moving but he still feels resentful for it. He can already feel the way his eyes have gone a little wet, and the last thing he wants to do is let this entire room full of people see him cry._ _ _ _

____“I know, I’m sorry,” Harry murmurs against his ear, so low it’s only meant for Louis to hear. “Thought about shipping it back to you so many times.”_ _ _ _

____Louis balls up his fists against Harry’s chest, closing his eyes. Harry still smells the same, wears that same expensive cologne Louis can never remember the name of, and it’s just as comforting now as it was before._ _ _ _

____“You love me,” he says into Harry’s shirt. He’s sure of it, doesn’t actually need Harry to answer._ _ _ _

____“So much,” Harry says like it’s a confession, unfaltering, unhesitating._ _ _ _

____Louis sighs, turning his head so he can breathe properly, opening his eyes a little. The crowd is making a lot of noise, excited and loud. Even if this footage doesn’t make it to air, there’s going to be accounts of it online, nearly a word-for-word retelling after it’s all been put together. If there wasn’t a part of Louis that wanted that, no matter how small, he would have walked out the second he saw Harry come up to that podium. Because no matter how angry Louis was, how hurt, at the end of the day interacting with Harry at a public forum was only going to get the rumour mill started. And Louis knows that they both knew that._ _ _ _

____“You’ve caused so much drama in my life, you know that?” he asks, tilting his face to look up at Harry. Getting hugged by him feels amazing. It feels right. Always has._ _ _ _

____Slowly, Harry nods. Hesitantly, he reaches up, touches the corner of Louis’ jaw with his thumb. He opens his mouth, clearly going to say _I’m sorry_ again, and for the first time in six months, Louis kisses him._ _ _ _

____Behind them, the crowd goes wild. Louis laughs into Harry’s mouth, turning their first kiss in what feels like forever from sweet and romantic to silly and joyful. Harry’s trying to hold him still long enough to kiss him back, undeterred by Louis’ laughter, and despite all the shit that went wrong between them Louis knows that there was never a lack of love. Might have doubted it a few times over the past couple of months, but he knows it with surety now._ _ _ _

____Louis ends up having to push Harry away with enough force that he stumbles a step back. If Harry had it his way, they’d probably end up having sex in a broom closet somewhere._ _ _ _

____“Yes, yes, thank you all for the encouragement,” Louis says to the audience, waving a hand limply. He can feel the way his cheeks have gone pink. “We’ve been two people trying to get our shit together. James, I’m going to take the rest of the day off. Thank you and goodnight!”_ _ _ _

____He has to grab Harry’s hand and yank him along behind him as he makes a run for the exit. Not because he thinks they’re going to get mobbed, but he doesn’t want to give anyone a chance to demand anything of them right now. Harry’s exactly polite enough that he’d try to figure out a way to give it to them._ _ _ _

____Louis doesn’t bother stopping at the cramped little office he shares with Nancy to gather his things. He’s got his phone on him, and while he doesn’t have his wallet or car keys, presumably Harry’s got something they can make due with. They stumble out onto the street still half attached to each other, exhilarated and breathless._ _ _ _

____“Did you get a car here?” Louis asks, squinting out at the street. He doesn’t see any familiar cars, but that doesn’t mean anything if Harry came here directly from the airport._ _ _ _

____“Uber,” Harry says. Louis stops for a second, looking at him over his shoulder._ _ _ _

____“Cliff let you do that?” he asks in disbelief._ _ _ _

____Harry shoots him a smile, sort of embarrassed but mostly proud. “Might have given him the slip while he was distracted with the bags.”_ _ _ _

____“He’s gonna kill you,” Louis says, refusing to let himself go weak-kneed at the admission. Harry being stupid and ditching his security isn’t a grand, romantic gesture. “Uber it is, then.”_ _ _ _

____It only takes a minute to plug in the request, even with Harry trying to distract him by sliding his arms around Louis’ waist, nuzzling at the back of his head. He’s never been so grateful that this is L.A., which means that the amount of phones pointed in their direction is minimal._ _ _ _

____“Texted him when I was on my way here,” Harry says against the side of Louis’ head, holding him close and rocking them gently on the sidewalk. It’s one thing for Harry to take an Uber somewhere alone when he’s not working, when he’s out and about just living his life. Coming from the airport, though? Coming from the airport to the CBS studios? Yeah, his management team is going to kill him._ _ _ _

____Louis does feel a little weak-kneed. He can’t help it. Apparently Harry being a nightmare to insure does something for him._ _ _ _

____There’s four minutes until the car arrives. Louis turns around in Harry’s arms and shoves him backwards, until he stumbles right up against the brick wall of the building. He catches Louis’ shirt, pulling him in close, and originally Louis did it with the intention of giving them a tiny bit more privacy, but if Harry wants to be like that well. Louis isn’t in any position to say no._ _ _ _

____“You have to behave in the car,” Louis says, melting into Harry’s body when Harry slouches down a little, molding his hands to Louis’ face, trying to kiss him again. Harry kisses like fireworks and electricity, like he always has, and Louis hasn’t had it in so long that he’s going a little crazy from getting it now. It’s hard to turn his face away from. The only reason he manages is because he can sense the small crowd that’s started to gather behind him._ _ _ _

____“I’m not the one with a history of misbehaving in cars,” Harry says, settling for pushing his hands up the back of Louis’ shirt and sliding his mouth against the tender spot behind Louis’ ear. Louis shudders, hands spasming against Harry’s chest, leaning all of his weight against him._ _ _ _

____If they were somewhere private right now – literally _anywhere_ private – Louis would let him put it in._ _ _ _

____“Don’t – you can’t hold those times against me,” Louis argues weakly. His legs fall open easily at the first nudge of Harry’s thigh between them. He’s having such a hard time keeping an eye on his phone, monitoring the progress of the car. L.A. traffic has never felt like more of a nightmare._ _ _ _

____“Baby, I’m pretty sure you’re set to win every argument we have for the next ten years,” Harry tells him, sucking a mark into Louis’ skin._ _ _ _

____Louis inhales unsteadily, eyes fluttering shut. His fingers go limp, and he only saves his phone from clattering to the ground at the very last second. It’s awful, being back with someone who knows his body inside and out. Means he has to try so much harder than normal to get the upper hand._ _ _ _

____He pushes away from Harry the second the car rolls up to the curb, unwilling to waste even a second. He slides across the backseat so Harry doesn’t have to go around, snapping his seatbelt into place quickly. Harry greets the driver as he gets in, folding himself down into the space gracefully. Louis can’t watch him do it, tipping his head back against the seat and exhaling loudly into the air. There’s something inherently attractive about the way Harry gets into cars, and Louis has no idea what it is. Someone getting into a car usually isn’t graceful, much less actively sexy._ _ _ _

____Within seconds, the car is pulling away again. Harry makes small talk with the driver, just like Louis had known he would, leaving Louis free to try to get his breathing under control. After a few minutes, he slides his hand across the seat without lowering his gaze from the car ceiling, searching out Harry’s. Harry takes it, tangles their fingers together warm and tight without ever interrupting his conversation with the driver, and Louis thinks to himself _I made the right choice_._ _ _ _

____It only takes a few more minutes before Harry is leaning over to ask into Louis’ ear, “We’re going to mine?”_ _ _ _

____“Cliff better not be there,” Louis warns without looking at him, squeezing Harry’s fingers harder. He feels stupidly nervous, and even more stupid for realizing how stupid it is. He’s had sex with Harry a thousand times before. Real, intimate sex, the kind you can only have with another person after having sex with them countless times before, in every room and in every position. Been fucked bent over the island in Harry’s kitchen almost as many times as he’s had it on his back in Harry’s bed. Sex with Harry is always incredible, but it’s nothing to be nervous about._ _ _ _

____Harry doesn’t reply, but out of the corner of his eye, Louis catches him pulling his phone out of his pocket. Presumably, he’s texting everyone who could conceivably be in his house right now that they better vacate it within the next three minutes._ _ _ _

____Belatedly, Louis realizes that Harry might be thinking he set the address to Harry’s house instead of his own because Louis doesn’t want him in his house. That’s not the case, though. He just – he misses waking up in Harry’s bed, alright? Harry’s house is ridiculous, big and homey, all the amenities you could ever want. Louis isn’t saying that as someone who’s enamored by celebrity homes or something – Harry’s house has all those things, sure, but more importantly, it feels like _Harry_. _ _ _ _

____Being in Harry’s house always felt like being home, and before they’d broken up Louis had been sure that Harry was going to ask him to move in with him. It’d made the actual break up that much more of a slap in the face._ _ _ _

____They don’t talk to each other for the rest of the ride. Harry continues making idle chit-chat with the driver, and at some point he puts his phone back in his pocket and reaches over to hold Louis’ hand between both of his, even though he has to twist at an awkward angle to do it. It eases something inside of Louis, the part of him that’s always wanted to have more of Harry’s attention than anyone else could ever have._ _ _ _

____When they pull up to the house, Louis can’t get out of the car fast enough, practically tripping over his own feet with an absent, half-shouted _thank you_ to the driver. He’s nearly vibrating with energy, punching in the gate code before he can bother to stop to think that Harry’s probably changed it since they were together._ _ _ _

____Luckily, it buzzes open, sparing him that particular embarrassment. He has to wait until Harry catches up to him with the keys, but then it’s easy enough to slip past him and into the house while Harry’s still pulling the key out of the lock._ _ _ _

____Inside, it’s exactly like Louis remembers. Which makes sense, considering that Harry broke up with him shortly before he went on tour. It’s not like he would have had much time to redecorate since then. Louis kicks off his shoes in the foyer, sliding across the clean tile a little while he waits for Harry to lock the door behind them and get moving._ _ _ _

____Instead, Harry pauses, leaning back against the door with his keys dangling limply from his hand. “Should we talk?” he asks, uncertainty written all over his face. “Say the things we couldn’t say with a tv audience behind us?”_ _ _ _

____Louis rolls his eyes. “Darling, if you think I was taking it easy on you just because there was a couple hundred people watching, you really don’t know me at all.”_ _ _ _

____Harry cracks a small smile, but he doesn’t move. “It wasn’t easy,” he admits. “I think there’s still some things you didn’t say, though.”_ _ _ _

____Well. Of course there was. In all honesty, Louis doesn’t even know that he’s thought of everything he wants to say to Harry yet. Now that wanting to yell and scream at Harry doesn’t seem pointless anymore, there’s probably a big, dramatic monologue bubbling up in him that details all the ways Harry broke his heart. It’s probably something he’s going to want Harry to hear, in a few days or a few weeks when everything doesn’t feel so new again._ _ _ _

____He knows that Harry will listen to every word, though, take whatever insult or accusation Louis wants to hurl at him in that moment, and right now that’s enough._ _ _ _

____“You know that you hurt me,” Louis says. “I think you probably even have a pretty good idea of how much you hurt me. One day soon I’m gonna have a lot of words for you about all of that, but I’m not going to punish you for it. I forgive you. If you ever, _ever_ do anything even remotely like that to me ever again I’m going to murder you, but I forgive you.”_ _ _ _

____Harry’s eyes have gone wet with unshed tears. It’s not at all productive to the sexy mood Louis wants him to be in, and he’s already in a forgiving mood himself, so he sighs a little and moves closer, stretching up onto his toes so he can loop his arms around Harry’s neck, hugging him tight._ _ _ _

____“Hey,” he whispers against Harry’s mouth, pecking him lightly. “I forgive you. Doesn’t mean that you aren’t expected to find increasingly ingenious ways to make it up to me, though.”_ _ _ _

____Harry’s laugh is watery, but he’s hugging Louis back, turning Louis’ short pecks into a real kiss, deep and meaningful. “You’re not worried that in a year it’s going to start feeling impossible again?” he murmurs against Louis’ mouth, holding him close._ _ _ _

____It had never really felt impossible for Louis. It had been hard at times – god, there were days when he wanted to do nothing more than throw himself down on the floor and have a temper tantrum – but never impossible. He’d always been secure in the thought that no matter how long Harry was gone for at a time, he’d always be coming back home to Louis, and that had been enough to get him through it._ _ _ _

____It’d been like getting punched in the face to find out that it wasn’t the same for Harry. He’d known that it had been hard for Harry too, being away, but Harry hadn’t ever been honest with him about exactly how hard it was until the day he broke up with him. There had been no talking about it, no arguing about it at the time – Louis had been hurt, and he’d been angry, and he’d shouted, and at the end of it all Harry had still walked out the door._ _ _ _

____Now, with some time and distance, Louis thinks he understands a little better. He has a life in L.A., one that’s deeply grounded and permanent. He has regular working hours, a daily routine, familiar faces at the coffee shop he frequents, the grocery store, his gym. Things he can fall back on when he’s missing Harry. Harry, when he’s on tour, doesn’t really have those things. His life is wild and chaotic. He doesn’t have roots the same way Louis does. If he wanted to, Harry could sell his house and never have to set foot in L.A. again. Add his fame to that, the way people come up to him on the street asking for pictures and autographs, there’s a whole jumbled mess inside Harry’s head Louis had never really seen before._ _ _ _

____“No,” Louis say, hooking a finger through Harry’s necklace to make sure their eyes stay locked. “Because this time you’re going to be honest with me about how you’re feeling.” He presses his lips to Harry’s firmly. “You’re going to schedule breaks so you can come home more often. I’m gonna use my vacation days to go out and see you more when you’re touring.” Another kiss, one that’s accompanied with Harry’s hands finding his arse._ _ _ _

____“You’re gonna remember how awful these last six months were and never make that mistake again.” It’s so much harder to keep the kisses closed-mouthed when Harry’s palming at his arse like that. “And we’re gonna go to _so much_ couples therapy you won’t even remember what it’s like to hold all your feelings in,” Louis finishes. _ _ _ _

____The kind of quiet Harry is right now is less contemplative, more wonderstruck. He squeezes at Louis’ arse with both hands, gentle about it. “I can do that,” Harry promises quietly, a sheen of wetness in his eyes again, and if he starts crying Louis might start crying too, and that’s a pretty big deterrent to sex._ _ _ _

____“Yeah you can,” Louis says, looping an arm around the back of Harry’s neck so they can kiss properly. Harry immediately takes full advantage of it, using the grip he’s got on Louis’ arse to haul him up onto his toes, pressing their bodies together tightly. Louis can feel his cock, already hard against his belly. It’s something Harry’s never had a problem with, getting hard despite being deeply emotional about something. About Louis._ _ _ _

____They kiss like that for a long time, unmoving from the foyer, until Louis’ calves start to ache from the strain of it. He’s not used to having to do so much work when it comes to kissing against a wall, and it’s high time he reminded Harry of that._ _ _ _

____“C’mon,” Louis says, pulling away from the heat of Harry’s body and gathering up his hand again, tugging him towards the stairs. “You know I wanna get it in the bed all slow and romantic-like."_ _ _ _

____Harry snorts out a laugh, following where Louis leads. The sound of it is supremely unsexy, and it makes Louis so very, very happy._ _ _ _

____“I could carry you if you really want it to be real romantic-like,” Harry offers. He’s right on Louis’ heels, close enough that Louis can still feel the heat of him at his back, and part of him wants to accept that offer._ _ _ _

____“No thanks,” Louis says, putting an extra wiggle into his step as he takes the first couple of stairs. “I don’t want to risk being dropped on our first night together. Besides, this way you can watch my arse without having to crane your neck to do it.”_ _ _ _

____Harry uses his free hand to grab at Louis’ arse, pinching him and making him squeak. It’s all the incentive Louis needs to take off up the rest of the stairs, running into Harry’s bedroom and shucking his clothes off as quickly as he can. Harry’s taking his sweet time following, giving Louis enough to rummage through his drawers and pull out a bottle of lube and a strip of condoms._ _ _ _

____The way Harry wanders into the room is slow and languid, like they have all the time in the world. He’s stopped to take off his socks and shoes, bare toes digging into the carpet underneath the bed as he comes closer._ _ _ _

____“You’re so gorgeous,” Harry says, sinking down onto his knees beside the bed instead of getting onto it, openly admiring. Louis’ cheeks flush with the compliment. “You’re all I’ve wanted for the past six months.”_ _ _ _

____He doesn’t reach out to touch like he would have done before, some part of him clearly still hesitant. Louis has never needed gingerliness from him, though, and he especially doesn’t want it now._ _ _ _

____“If you don’t come up onto this bed and fuck me I’m going to start having second thoughts about forgiving you so easily,” Louis warns him. His belly is clenching from how much he wants it, how much he wants Harry on him, in him. Something deep in his chest feels raw and tender at the thought that Harry might have had someone else to use those condoms on over the last few months, and he needs to get rid of that feeling before he explodes._ _ _ _

____“Okay,” Harry says, kissing him before he even starts climbing up onto the bed, bracketing Louis’ thighs with his knees, hovering over him. He kisses with purpose, with feeling, and Louis relaxes back into the mattress, already itching with the urge to let Harry between his thighs._ _ _ _

____Harry’s still wearing his clothes, and that’s always been a turn-on for Louis. He gets distracted by Louis’ body when he’s supposed to be stripping, and it never fails to make Louis feel like he’s something special when Harry looks at him like that. Right now, he’s too impatient to enjoy the feeling, yanking pointedly at the hem of Harry’s shirt._ _ _ _

____“Come on, get naked,” he says, giving up on the shirt and going for the fly of Harry’s jeans instead. Harry lets him, mouthing along the curve of Louis’ jaw, hand stroking idly down Louis’ chest. He pulls up long enough to yank his shirt over his head, tossing it over his shoulder before coming back down to get at Louis’ mouth again. He wiggles his hips obligingly when Louis shoves at the denim, kicking his jeans and pants off at the same time, and Louis has never been more grateful that Harry tends not to wear tight jeans when he’s been traveling._ _ _ _

____They’re finally naked together. Louis gets his hand around Harry’s cock nearly before Harry’s finished getting his jeans off, curling his fingers tight and giving him a few strokes._ _ _ _

____His mouth waters a little. He can’t see much with the way Harry’s bracketing him, but the head of Harry’s cock peeks out from his fingers on every other stroke, big and flushed. Mostly Louis has just missed Harry over the last few months, but. God, he’s also missed Harry’s cock._ _ _ _

____“Stop that, you minx,” Harry groans, tugging Louis’ hand off his cock, pulling it up and pinning it over his head. He’s still working on sucking marks into Louis’ throat, and it’s so hard to concentrate on anything other than the desire to let his head tip back when he’s doing that._ _ _ _

____“Why,” Louis demands, flexing his fingers against Harry’s hold, thinking about pulling them free. He could use his other hand to go after Harry’s cock, but it’s always more fun to rile him up like this._ _ _ _

____“I’m gonna come if you keep it up,” Harry answers, so honest when Louis is least expecting it. It always hits him deep, and this time is no different. He gives up on trying to make Louis still long enough to kiss him and watches his face instead, green eyes gone dark and intense. “You have no idea what you do to me, baby.”_ _ _ _

____For a minute, Louis goes still, looking back at him. It feels like now would be the perfect time to say it, those three words that he couldn’t shake no matter how hard he tried, but they’re stuck in the back of his throat, refusing to come out._ _ _ _

____Instead, he fumbles for the lube, pressing it into Harry’s hand. “You haven’t lost any of your charm, have you,” he mumbles, flicking at Harry’s necklace, sending it swaying gently in the space between them._ _ _ _

____“Lost my shit on a pap about three weeks after New York,” Harry says thoughtfully. “Nearly ended up in the papers for having a breakdown.”_ _ _ _

____Weirdly, the admission eases the tension in Louis’ head. He can feel a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Get your fingers wet,” he orders. “’m not getting any younger here.”_ _ _ _

____“But you do get prettier by the day,” Harry tells him, pressing a firm kiss against Louis’ mouth and popping the lube open. Louis wiggles around until he’s got one leg wrapped around Harry’s hip, spreading his thighs open wide._ _ _ _

____The first press of a finger against his rim is warm and gentle. Harry doesn’t hesitate so much as he takes his time with it, watching Louis’ face as he presses it in with a smooth, steady motion. Louis tolerates it for much longer than he normally would, chewing at his bottom lip._ _ _ _

____Thirty seconds later, his patience is up. “I’m not gonna break, you know. You can go faster than that.”_ _ _ _

____“Wanna make sure you feel good,” Harry murmurs, eyebrows slightly furrowed as he concentrates on what he’s doing. He’s never been this careful during sex, not even their first time together. Careful has never really been his style._ _ _ _

____“All you’re doing is making me impatient,” Louis says, digging his knee into Harry’s hip. It doesn’t get him a response, so he does it again, harder this time. “Harry.”_ _ _ _

____Harry’s finger comes to a slow halt inside of him. He raises his gaze to meet Louis’ eyes, mulish like he doesn’t appreciate Louis rushing him but doesn’t want to say it. “What.”_ _ _ _

____This isn’t going to work if they keep treating each other so differently than they had the first time around. Louis believes Harry when he says the only reason he broke them up was because of the distance. If he’s going to keep believing that, he needs Harry to prove it, be less careful with him, push him around a little more. Like he used to._ _ _ _

____“H,” Louis starts, pushing Harry’s hair out of his face and tangling his fingers through it, holding him close. “You do remember that you can practically read my body blind, yeah? You know all the things that I like, what I don’t like. If you’re trying to be careful for my benefit, you really don’t need to.”_ _ _ _

____“I know,” Harry says, closing his eyes briefly. “I’m trying, baby, okay?”_ _ _ _

____There’s something on his face Louis can’t read. It’s rare, that he can’t tell what Harry Styles’ face is trying to say. Mostly, it’s not even from being together. Harry just has a very expressive face, so when he’s not actively trying to control it, he’s pretty easy to read._ _ _ _

____“Tell me,” Louis says, doing his best to ignore the second finger circling his rim, toying with him. “You have to tell me everything from now on, okay? Explain to me why.”_ _ _ _

____“I need it,” Harry says, letting the words out like all he’d needed was permission. “I want to give you everything you want, especially because I’m the one – ” he stops to swallow, eyes falling closed for a second. “I can’t hurt you again, especially not right now.”_ _ _ _

____A month ago, Louis would have been vindictively pleased by everything about that statement. It would have been a spiteful, hateful feeling, and he’s so glad he doesn’t have it now. Never let it be said that Harry Styles doesn’t work hard to get what he wants._ _ _ _

____“Okay,” Louis says, wetting his bottom lip. Harry caring about his feelings to the point of being over-careful is such a weird turn-on to have. He pushes at Harry’s hand until Harry slips his finger out, then keeps pushing at him until he’s sitting with his back up against the headboard. “I’ll try to be a little more patient, but you have to try to go a little faster, okay?”_ _ _ _

____He doesn’t wait for Harry’s response, climbing into his lap smoothly. If Harry needs to go slow, at least Louis can sit in his lap while he does it. Sitting in Harry’s lap has always mellowed him out to a degree Louis will never admit out loud._ _ _ _

____“You’re so much more than I could ever possibly deserve,” Harry says. Louis kisses him, interrupting him before he can get even more sappy. The compliment makes his chest glow, already easing him into being more patient._ _ _ _

____Two of Harry’s fingers press against his hole this time, slipping in easily. Louis busies himself with sucking on Harry’s tongue, trying not to make soft, needy noises at the intrusion. He mostly fails, judging by the way Harry’s cock twitches underneath his arse._ _ _ _

____The thing is. The thing is, Harry could make him come with two fingers. Harry _has_ made him come with two fingers before. If Louis allows himself to be distracted by the slow, thorough fingering and the deep, wet kissing, he would come. Easily. And he’s not sure that he’s in the mood to be fucked after he’s come, not when his entire body already feels so sensitive, so fragile._ _ _ _

____“Missed this,” Louis says softly, rocking down against Harry’s hand subconsciously, chasing the feeling. Harry knows exactly how to crook his fingers to press against every spot inside of him that makes his entire body feels like it’s lit up. He’s doing it now, thoughtfully and carefully. Louis’ cock is dripping against his own belly, tight and ready, making a mess._ _ _ _

____“Mm,” Harry murmurs back, shifting so he can splay his free hand out against Louis’ back, pulling him closer, so there’s no space left between their bodies. “Spent a lot of time wanking thinking about this.”_ _ _ _

____“Me too,” Louis says, the admission slipping out of him easily. He had. Harry’s the best sex he’s ever had, and it was easy to be angry at him and still want to get fucked by him. He never felt guilty about that._ _ _ _

____“Want you to tell me about it later,” Harry says, and Louis isn’t expecting the press of a third finger against him, barely even there for a second before it’s sliding in with the other two._ _ _ _

____Louis can’t bite back the noises this time, coming out of him full and loud. His nails dig into Harry’s shoulders as he sinks down harder, exactly how he would be doing it if it was Harry’s cock instead of his fingers, and fuck, he’s going to come._ _ _ _

____Harry pulls his fingers out and rolls them back over in one smooth motion. Louis’ belly cramps from how hot it is, that move, and he doesn’t think he’s ever been more ready to get fucked._ _ _ _

____Figures Harry would only hurry up after Louis agreed to take it slow._ _ _ _

____Harry’s elbow hits the strip of condoms Louis threw onto the bed earlier. For a split second, he freezes, barely long enough for Louis to even catch it before he’s grabbing at them, tearing one open._ _ _ _

____They hadn’t used condoms for two months before the break-up. Not even when they probably should have, when they technically didn’t have enough time for the clean-up afterwards. They’d gone bare every time, and Louis’ hole clenches around nothing at the reminder._ _ _ _

____“Don’t make that face,” Louis says sharply, because this one he can at least recognize. “After that conversation I’m probably not going to want you to put your cock in me for at least a few hours, so we’re not having it right now.”_ _ _ _

____“I’m not making any face,” Harry says, stroking his fingers along Louis’ belly, sweetly soft like he thinks that’s going to distract Louis from the blatant lie. It’s just for a second before he rolls the condom on, not nearly long enough to actually distract him._ _ _ _

____Louis scoffs, pinching at one of Harry’s nipples. “I don’t want to hear about the people you’ve had sex with after me. Like, at all, but especially not right now. And you know we need to have that conversation if you wanna do it without ever again.”_ _ _ _

____Harry ducks his head, watching as he slicks himself up with lube. He turns his head just enough to press a kiss to the inside of Louis’ knee, wrapping a hand around Louis’ thigh as he shifts into position. It’s not enough to make Louis not notice his lack of response, but him lining himself up and starting to push in is enough to ignore it._ _ _ _

____It doesn’t hurt, exactly. It’s a stretch, one Louis hasn’t felt in a while. Not like this, anyway. Not with real flesh and blood working its way inside him, opening him up. He squirms at the feeling, not trying to pull away, just moving with it. Breathing through his mouth because he feels like he can’t suck enough air in, desperate and overwhelmed. It’s been so long since he’s had Harry’s cock, and none of his toys have ever compared._ _ _ _

____“Alright?” Harry checks, rubbing his hand at Louis’ belly, like he thinks he’ll be able to feel his cock through Louis’ skin or something. He’s big, but he’s not massive. Louis has always been able to take him._ _ _ _

____“’s good,” Louis murmurs, but he instantly negates that by putting his arm over his eyes, trying to cover the way his face has gone flushed and avoid looking at Harry at the same time._ _ _ _

____He feels like crying, and it’s too overwhelming to tell whether it’s because Harry’s got a big cock or if it’s just – everything else. All of his feelings bubble to the surface when he’s getting fucked, and he’s had six months to forget that little fact about himself._ _ _ _

____Harry keeps going, gripping the underside of Louis’ thigh and pulling his hips up a little higher, which helps, turns the ache into something a little more pleasurable. The way Harry kisses his knee again as he finishes pushing all the way inside helps a little more. It’s hard to feel anything other than cared for with Harry. It’s the biggest reason Louis was avoiding his calls._ _ _ _

____“Need me to stop?” Harry asks. He curls a hand around Louis’ knee and leaves it there, big and warm and lovely. Says it like he means it, like he’d be content to stop right now, pull out and cuddle for the next forty-five minutes instead of fucking Louis’ arse._ _ _ _

____“No,” Louis says. He has to stop to swallow. Even unmoving, Harry’s cock feels big and hot, sending slow, sweeping tingles all the way down Louis’ legs to his toes. “C’mon. Fuck me, Harry.”_ _ _ _

____“Baby, as much as I’d love to do that, I’m having a really hard time believing it’s what you want when your face looks like that.”_ _ _ _

____God, he’s really going to make Louis start crying before the end of this. Without removing his arm from his face, he says, from between his teeth, “It’s been a while. And you’re. Y’know. Big.”_ _ _ _

____Impossibly, his face gets even hotter just from saying the words. Normally, they’d do wonders at stroking Harry’s ego. Instead, Harry’s quiet for a few seconds, long enough that Louis considers leaving his self-imposed prison of darkness and peeking a glimpse at his face. Just to see what he’s thinking._ _ _ _

____“A while,” Harry repeats eventually. “Since the last time? Or since – ” He cuts himself off before he says _me_ , but Louis doesn’t need him to actually say it in order to hear it._ _ _ _

____“Since,” Louis says vaguely, and clenches down on Harry’s cock to distract him._ _ _ _

____Harry doesn’t take the bait, bending down to nuzzle at Louis’ chest, ghosting his cheek across Louis’ nipple. He’s got the faintest hint of a beard growing, scraping Louis’ skin, and that combined with the way his cock feels is more than enough to remind Louis that he wants to come._ _ _ _

____“Since,” Harry says, teeth catching gently on Louis’ nipple, and Louis knows what he must look like right now, spread out in Harry’s bed, with Harry’s cock stuffed in his arse, sweat-slick and horny, and if that image alone isn’t enough to convince Harry to start moving, only the truth will._ _ _ _

____“Both.”_ _ _ _

____It doesn’t feel as embarrassing as it could with the way Harry’s touching him, the way Harry’s loving him. He lets Harry tug his arm off his face, blinking up at him slowly, not even trying to make it look sexual. It still is, judging by the way Harry’s cock twitches inside of him._ _ _ _

____“Baby.” It’s all Harry says before he’s swooping down to kiss Louis again, one hand splayed out possessively across the middle of his chest, like it’s not enough that his cock is literally inside Louis’ arse right now. It’s a short, fast kiss, full of tongue and desire, and then Harry’s moving._ _ _ _

____Deep, hard thrusts right away that threaten to send Louis sliding up the bed. Louis gasps, clutching at Harry’s shoulders, holding on. Sparks fly up his spine from how good it feels, and if there was ever any doubt that the sex would be as good as it was before, it’s completely gone. Harry has a big cock, but more important than that, he knows how to _use it_._ _ _ _

____“Fuck,” Louis says, unable to stop himself making noise, so much noise. Knows how loud he’s being, but he’s getting it so good there’s no way he could stop himself. He’s going to come, and that would be another thing that’s embarrassing if it wasn’t for Harry’s stupid face, all pleased and sexed-out above him._ _ _ _

____He grabs his own cock, jerking himself messily, completed uncoordinated about it, and it doesn’t even matter because it only takes a few more thrusts before he’s coming, spilling all over his fingers._ _ _ _

____Louis might black out for a few seconds, he’s not really sure. Harry’s kissing him again, he knows that much. His entire body feels so good it’s almost like he’s floating. It takes him a while to realize how much Harry has slowed down, until the rock of his hips is gentle, barely moving. There are still sparks zinging their way up his spine, but they’re duller now, sweeter. Louis blinks, already drowsy, and registers that Harry’s holding one of his hands above his head, their fingers laced together._ _ _ _

____“There wasn’t anyone else,” Harry tells him, fingers of his other hand gone tight against Louis’ thigh. “Didn’t want anyone other than you.”_ _ _ _

____It takes a few seconds before Louis gets it. When he does, he slaps Harry’s shoulder. “Could’a come in me bare if you had have said that earlier,” he complains._ _ _ _

____Harry’s laugh is warm and full. Louis’ cock twitches, trying to decide whether he could go around round or not._ _ _ _

____“I’m gonna be good to you,” Harry promises. He’s rocking his hips a little harder now, a little deeper, but he hasn’t quite picked up his rhythm again yet. “Wasn’t gonna put it on you like that, make you decide whether you should believe me or not. But it’s the truth. Couldn’t convince myself to want anyone but you the entire time.”_ _ _ _

____Louis curls his fingers around the back of Harry’s neck, tugging him closer, so they can kiss again. He needs Harry to come soon, mostly because he’s sleepy now. His entire body is starting to feel more sensitive, too, and it’s not a bad thing – he’ll probably always like how Harry’s cock feels inside of him. The faster Harry comes the sooner he’ll be holding Louis as they sleep, though, and it’s been a long time since Louis has slept in a bed this nice. He thinks he deserves it._ _ _ _

____“You’re already good to me,” Louis whispers, squeezing at Harry’s hips with his thighs, urging him to go faster, harder. “S’why I couldn’t get myself to stop loving you.”_ _ _ _

____It’s a deep, heavy truth, and if Harry was anyone other than exactly who he is Louis wouldn’t be saying it to him._ _ _ _

____“Yeah?” Harry asks, mouth moving against Louis’, slick and sure, the word coming out helpless and almost pleading. All things considered, he shouldn’t be the one asking for reassurances, but Louis loves him and he’s going to give them to him regardless._ _ _ _

____“Yeah,” Louis murmurs back, holding on to Harry’s back as he starts moving faster, thrusting deep and real. “Would’ve been so much easier if I didn’t, but I’ve always loved you. Always gonna love you.”_ _ _ _

____Harry only lasts a few more minutes before he’s coming, breathing hard, practically shuddering with it. Louis rubs his back through it, and the hot, pleased feeling he’s got in his own belly is directed correlated to Harry’s orgasm._ _ _ _

____Harry kisses him some more before he pulls out. They’re hot, full kisses that say a lot more than Louis is willing to untangle right now. He kisses back, too happy to care, because no matter how complex it is, he knows that most of it just means Harry loves him._ _ _ _

____As soon as Harry’s back hits the mattress, Louis squirms his way underneath his arm, laying his head on Harry’s chest, needy and uncaring that Harry knows it. Harry knows what he’s like after sex. He’s used to it._ _ _ _

____“I’m gonna write the stupidest bits and make you say them on the show,” Louis mumbles drowsily, rubbing his face against Harry’s chest, still sweat slick._ _ _ _

____“Alright, baby,” Harry agrees, laughter hiding in his voice. He rubs Louis’ back, hand big and warm and comforting against his skin. “Anything for you.”_ _ _ _

____Louis believes him. Knows that this time, they’re gonna make it work._ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> [My tumblr](http://crazyupsetter.tumblr.com/)


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